GUEST BLOG / By J. Kim Penberthy, Professor and Neurobehavioral Sciences, University of Virginia via TheConversation.com
Navigating holidays and special occasions with those who have experienced a loss can be complicated. But your presence and compassion in these moments can support their healing. Here are some practical tips for supporting someone who is grieving during these times:
• Respect the boundaries of your loved one who’s grieving. Let them honor their emotions by going at their own pace.
• Remember that grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be supported.
• Be present. A common fear is saying the wrong thing to someone who is grieving. Often, it’s not about saying the “perfect” thing, but simply showing up and listening without judgment.
• Acknowledge the loss. Saying “I’ve been thinking about (their loved one) and how much they meant to you” or “I want you to know that I’ve been thinking about you and the significance of what you’re experiencing right now” can be more comforting than avoiding the subject.
• Offer practical help. Grief can be debilitating and exhausting. Assisting with tasks like cooking, shopping or child care can relieve some of the burden.
• If you don’t know what to say, it’s OK to admit it. A simple “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here for you” can mean a great deal.
• Avoid phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason.” While the intentions behind them are often good, these platitudes can feel dismissive.
• Focus on empathy and validation. Saying “This must be so hard for you” or “Tell me more about what you’re feeling” opens the door to meaningful conversation and helps make space for the complex emotions that grief brings.
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