Monday, January 26, 2015
MEDIA MONDAY / COMING TO A MALL NEAR YOU
FUTURE NEWS—Citizen Ralph “Hawkeye” Simz reported today, his Chula Vista (CA) neighborhood watch militia shot down four drones flying over the group’s gated community. “We’re getting the hang of our new mobile launch anti-drone missile battery (purchased recently at the Coronado PX) and we’re taking down a lot of drug drones coming across the border. Those “basterds” better think twice before they sent one of those birds our way,” said Simz, who claims to have ten drug drone kills since the missile battery was installed last week. Local media reports the new battery replaced the vintage backyard WWII ack-ack gun that Simz and his wife Jan had been firing at drones since the first of the year.
Nearby Toyz-B-You store manager Vincent Strong complained to our reporter that many of the militia have been spotted firing at hobbyist and kid drones purchased at his store as Christmas presents.
Simz, through his volunteer press aide George M. (nom de guere) shrugged: “We’re at war people, we can’t be accountable for occasional collateral damage.”