DICKENS EXPERTS RISE TO THE ROSTRUMS
Note: Gondour is a fictitious republic created by
Mark Twain in his short story "The Curious Republic of Gondour,” whereupon
Twain proposed a state in which all citizens have at least one vote, but where
further votes (up to a dozen) could be acquired through education, which was
provided by the state for free, or by relative wealth. Furthermore, no one was
accepted to any public office without passing strenuous competitive
examinations.
Twain
wanders on from pillar to post and lands upon the topic of Charles Dickens
death that he laments but now dreads the approaching tsunami of Dickens
reminiscences penned by those not worthy.
It’s almost if Twain foresaw facebook.
For
the entire “Gondour” work go to:
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3192/3192-h/3192-h.htm
THE APPROACHING EPIDEMIC
Snippet from “The Curious Republic of Gondour” By
Samuel L. Clemens
One calamity to which the death of Mr. Dickens dooms this country has
not awakened the concern to which its gravity entitles it. We refer to the fact
that the nation is to be lectured to death and read to death all next winter,
by Tom, Dick, and Harry, with poor lamented Dickens for a pretext.
All the vagabonds who can
spell will afflict the people with "readings" from Pickwick and
Copperfield, and all the insignificants who have been ennobled by the notice of
the great novelist or transfigured by his smile will make a marketable
commodity of it now, and turn the sacred reminiscence to the practical use of
procuring bread and butter.
The lecture rostrums will
fairly swarm with these fortunates. Already the signs of it are perceptible.
Behold how the unclean creatures are wending toward the dead lion and gathering
to the feast:
--"Reminiscences of
Dickens." A lecture. By John Smith, who heard him read eight times.
--"Remembrances of Charles Dickens." A lecture. By John Jones, who saw him once in a street car and twice in a barber shop.
--"Recollections of Mr. Dickens." A lecture. By John Brown, who gained a wide fame by writing deliriously appreciative critiques and rhapsodies upon the great author's public readings; and who shook hands with the great author upon various occasions, and held converse with him several times.
-
-The Curious Republic of Gondour, by Mark Twain
-The Curious Republic of Gondour, by Mark Twain
--"Readings from Dickens." By John White, who has the great delineator's style and manner perfectly, having attended all his readings in this country and made these things a study, always practising each reading before retiring, and while it was hot from the great delineator's lips. Upon this occasion Mr. W. will exhibit the remains of a cigar which he saw Mr. Dickens smoke. This Relic is kept in a solid silver box made purposely for it.
--"Sights and Sounds of the Great Novelist." A popular lecture. By John Gray, who waited on his table all the time he was at the Grand Hotel, New York, and still has in his possession and will exhibit to the audience a fragment of the Last Piece of Bread which the lamented author tasted in this country.
--"Heart Treasures of Precious Moments with Literature's Departed Monarch." A lecture. By Miss Serena Amelia Tryphenia McSpadden, who still wears, and will always wear, a glove upon the hand made sacred by the clasp of Dickens. Only Death shall remove it.
--"Readings from Dickens." By Mrs. J. O'Hooligan Murphy, who washed for him.
--"Familiar Talks with the Great Author." A narrative lecture. By John Thomas, for two weeks his valet in America.
And so forth, and so on.
This isn't half the list.
The man who has a "Toothpick once used by Charles Dickens" will have
to have a hearing; and the man who "once rode in an omnibus with Charles
Dickens;" and the lady to whom Charles Dickens "granted the
hospitalities of his umbrella during a storm;" and the person who "possesses
a hole which once belonged in a handkerchief owned by Charles Dickens."
Be patient and
long-suffering, good people, for even this does not fill up the measure of what
you must endure next winter. There is no creature in all this land who has had
any personal relations with the late Mr. Dickens, however slight or trivial,
but will shoulder his way to the rostrum and inflict his testimony upon his
helpless countrymen. To some people it is fatal to be noticed by greatness.
No comments:
Post a Comment